Maternal instincts

Lots of people have them. I would generally include myself in that group of people who have them. Maternal instincts however do not equate to wanting or needing babies and that is where my story begins.

Maternal instincts can be found at an early age. A good indicator of them is when you see a child with a doll. They clothe it, bathe it, feed it, dress it and generally take care of it.

I hated dolls as a kid.

I wouldn't be caught dead with one. The few porcelain ones I had were certainly not chosen by me. My sister had all the Barbies.  I preferred Big Bird and teddies of all kinds. I didn't dress them up either! Psychologists however insist that the doll instinct is not the precursor to parental/maternal instinct in a human being. I would say that it unequivocally is an indicator of maternal instinct at its most basic level.

Another example of maternal instinct can be seen where an older child gets a younger sibling and they take care of them. This is where I believe my maternal instincts came from. I would help by getting the talc, finding the nappies, making the sibling breakfast as they got older and I eventually babysat said sibling while Mum was in the shower, or on the phone, without even realising it. The third sibling came along in my life, and I practically took over. Then... the babysitting never ended.

Instincts in the animal kingdom at their most basic level, are usually a fixed and rigid thing, but we, as human beings, are a more advanced kind (at least I hope we are) and our intelligence gives us the ability to override those instincts or refine them in a way that is suitable to our needs, our community and our lifestyle. In other words, we have the ability to shape those instincts to suit our situation.

Here's my gripe... if you haven't worked it out already... maternal instincts do not necessitate a pathway to having babies.

For some people, they believe this is absolutely the case. Maternal instincts = I must be a mother = it was that which I was pre-ordained to do = no other choice.

We are an intelligent species. Feminism has come a long way, but perhaps not far enough. I don't use that word lightly, I would hardly consider myself a feminist. However I do thank feminism for the progress that has been made thus far. Why is it however, that there is a belief among our species (men and women alike), that women who have maternal instincts will therefore produce babies. The equation is flawed. The equation should look like this:

X has maternal instincts = the choice to have babies or not is a considered, intelligent and educated decision, not a pre-determined one outside of their consciousness.

Similarly...

X has no maternal instincts = the choice to have babies or not is a considered, intelligent and educated decision, not a pre-determined one outside of their consciousness.

I am not an expert on the subject of human behaviour of maternal anything, but it rocked me recently when someone asked, are you really not going to have babies? When I said that would be my preferred future direction (i.e. not having kids), they looked at me like I was some kind of alien lifeform.

It's simple people. I'm an educated, open minded, intelligent woman who doesn't feel the need to have babies to be satisfied with my life. It's a choice.

**This post in no way suggests that I won't have babies, ever. I am simply pointing out that human beings are more capable than we give ourselves credit for, and instead of falling prey to our animal kingdom instincts, we are truly able to choose a life for ourselves that is fulfilling in many ways other than procreation**

Elle