Let me paint you a picture... a glorious Ted Baker London picture

Upon entering David Jones in my 1 hour lunch break on Friday I knew I could find a dress that would be just perfect for a number of special occasions I have coming up.  I was also prepared for the fact (that after wearing a dress I already own that was a little tight this week) that I could be just outside my usual size (which generally fits me no matter what brand).  Surely it wasn't going to be that bad though right? WRONG.

Let me show you a picture of a dress that was fairly similar - it was the same style as this only in shades of deep green and blues.

Apart from the fact that the dress was way (and I mean WAY) out of my budget for a party dress I thought that if it fit and if it looked perfect I'd be able to justify it somehow; which means also justifying to my other half why I won't be making extra loan repayments this month... eeek.  Nonetheless, I pushed on. 

This dress was the last of 5.  The first one... too much of a bow going on around the neckline and was more like a potato sack (no shape - not good for me).  Second one made me look like I was attending Royal Ascott looking like Pretty Woman all polka dots - perhaps not.  The third was definately a designer dress made for pregnant women (and no i'm not bagging pregnant women but I'm not one so I don't want a dress that makes me look like one!). The fourth - I don't remember but I don't think I was even able to zip it up - now there's the sign saying turn back - run out of the change room now, it can only get worse.  I ignored the signs.  It got worse.  MUCH worse.

I left this one till last.  The Pièce de résistance.  I knew it wasn't allowed.  But it looked oh so pretty and oh so perfect for me - I could tell even before I slipped it off the hanger.  This was it - the dress I was going to wear to all the christmas parties.  I was even matching shoes in my head that were in my wardrobe and figuring out what to do if none of them matched.  The dress had beautiful boning that cinched in the waist to avoid that pregnant look, it was all quality, everything you expect from a beautiful maxi dress.

In essence, this dress is strapless so I'll need to be wearing a strapless bra which probably has a a bit of support for that extra lift if you know what I mean.  So I thought leaving the bra on would be a good idea but that does create a bit of thickness.  Stepping into the dress and shimmying it up over the hips was a little tight.  The change room was hot - clearly it was just a bit sticky.  It was a size 2 after all and so maybe it'll just be a bit small, I can always get the next size.  I began zipping it up the side.  Breathing in.  Twisting around.  Removing bra.  Just two more inches and it will be zipped up.  OH COME ON.  SERIOUSLY?! 2 measly little inches.  THIS IS THE DRESS DAMNIT.  I NEED THIS DRESS.  I have a whole weekend of study ahead of me and I really just need this dress.  It will make it all better.  What don't you understand about the fact that I've been working and studying for nearly 3 weeks straight now and I just really deserve this dress - please karma... please.

  

BRIGHT IDEA:  "Excuse me".  "Do you have this dress in a size 3?".  "Sure".  Kind changing room attendant disappears to look for the next size in the dress.  I wait in anticipation.  Still waiting.  Oh come on I'm standing here in a dress a size too small just hurry up with the bigger size damnit.  While you're at it get rid of these other hideous dresses - I certainly don't want them! Not that I can't afford them or anything.  "Here you go".  "Thanks".

I happily dart back into my change room still canvassing my credit card options; how i'll pay it back and which month's budget this dress will have to come out of.  How will I afford my next lot of personal training sessions and there are a lot of engagement/christmas/birthday parties coming up.  Hmmmmm.  In the meantime I've zipped myself up.... ..... ..... almost.  WHAT?! ALMOST?!  It's like an inch and a half to the top, maybe two inches.  I'm really hot and sweaty by this point.  Don't you hate change rooms like that?  It's not conducive to impulse buying in lunch breaks.

Yep you got it - it still won't do up.  Since when have I never fit into a size 3? and girls it's all relative - if you've never fit into a 3 don't go hating on me - I hate my body just as much as the next girl - trust me.  Ted Baker WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING MAKING SIZES THAT ARE LIKE HALF AN INCH DIFFERENT?!  Continue trying to zip up the dress.  Contemplate friend who is a fashion designer somehow making this dress bigger - can you make dresses bigger?  No idea.  Getting furious.  Just zip up already - please!

Hmmm... let me check the sizes.  Surely there can't be that small a difference between the two.  Oh.  That's right ladies and gentlemen you guessed it, the dress I had just tried on - was already a 3.  I had just asked the assistant, ever so confidently, to get me the next size up only to realise that was clearly the biggest size they had, and I had already tried it on.  Standing in the change room.  Two size 3 dresses - exactly the same. EPIC FAIL.

GenYElle... last seen purchasing red velvet cupcake to drown her sorrows.  Has been seen texting her personal trainer begging for a serious program to lose the extra tyre around her waist, back, hips and thighs and hitting the gym that night to do something about the excess weight she is carrying.  Ted Baker 1 Me 0.